My husband’s 21 years older than me and plans to leave his entire $3M fortune to me. How do we tell his 3 adult kids?

Estate planning is one of the most important financial tasks you will undertake in your lifetime.

However, according to LegalZoom, only 45% of Americans have created the documents required.

What’s even more concerning is that 60% of those who haven’t yet made a living trust or created any estate planning documents, haven’t made any effort to start.

Estate planning is especially critical if there’s a significant age gap between you and your spouse. Since your husband is 21 years older than you, the chances of you outliving him is high. In this case, it’s important to establish an estate plan before his health begins to decline.

Since your husband has $3 million in assets and plans to leave it all to you, you might assume that you’re set. However, things could become complicated if your spouse also has three grown children who are not financially stable and expect to inherit a portion of his assets as well.

In a situation like yours, you need to have a solid plan. If your husband has children from a previous relationship, they may expect an inheritance. If they’re not included in his plans and he leaves behind a will, there’s a good chance they’ll contest it. That could delay the often lengthy probate process, making it even harder for you to inherit your spouse’s assets.

According to a 2023 LegalShield survey, 58% of respondents reported experiencing conflict or knowing someone who has, due to a lack of proper estate planning. That’s not a situation you want to be in.

The best thing to do in this case is to have an open conversation with everyone in the room — you, your spouse and his three children. Allow your husband to explain his decision and the logic behind it.

It may be that he previously helped support his children financially as adults only to have them blow through that money and fail to take responsibility for their own expenses. Or maybe the children have never leant a hand as adults or really been a part of his life.

If your husband feels strongly that his children should not inherit any money, then he should be the one to break that news to them, not you. And that news should come from him, rather than his children discovering it during the reading of his will.

At that point, they might accuse you of poisoning him against them or manipulating him to get all of his money, so having a group discussion potentially avoids that unpleasantness (or at least takes the blame off of your shoulders).

Many people use wills to pass along an inheritance because they’re familiar with how they work. However, for a large estate, it may be advantageous to utilize other estate planning tools.